About 18 years ago Princess Leia of Alderaan woke up and found herself in our Universe. She remembers her ship passing by an undocumented nebula and a worm hole opened. Her ship got sucked through and hit rough turbulence. She can’t quite remember anything before landing in New Jersey in a country called the United States.

It was very weird at first but being the adventure Princess that she is, she got over it. She can’t quite figure how her feet turned to paws. It was like she was in an alternate reality. On this thing called TV, she saw herself in human form in a documentary about her world by LucasFilms. “Okay,” She thought. “WTF?”

Yoda found her a few years later and told her the Force ripped open that worm hole and brought her to our Universe.

Princess Leia communicating with Yoda.

There are many realities he explained, in some she’s human, others animals, some pure energy. Here she is a cat sent to save NJ from high hair and Jersey Shore (you know the TV show).

Cast of Jersey Shore.

Her mission in NJ was over and it was time to move on to NYC. There she was to warn Earth about invading hipsters but she was too late. They completely infiltrated mankind. She cannot believe how humans cannot see they are aliens. Their fashion sense goes against logic and they rebel against pop culture as if to simply be ironic. Either way society chooses what you like and don’t like if you are doing it for just that reason.

image taken from https://www.wired.de/collection/latest/ein-mathematiker-hat-herausgefunden-warum-alle-hipster-gleich-aussehen

There is an alternate mission in NY. She’s trying to show the superiority of science fiction over fantasy. Science Fiction has light sabers, blasters, super star destroyers and the FORCE. Fantasy has swords, bows and magic missiles.

Princess Leia landed in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn to hide from the hipsters and convince this hobbit, orc loving humanoid lady that the FORCE is a stronger than magic. Really, when do you see Gandolf use magic? But the aliens are following her. Soon she will drown in a sea of beards and flannel.

The aliens have ruined Manhattan by replacing bodegas and mom and pop shops with artisanal stores. Decades old establishments are closing. Ethnic enclaves vanishing. Artists, the working class, the poor, and immigrants have been fleeing Manhattan’s rising costs. The ones whose homes are protected by rent control and rent stabilization laws are being driven out due to illegal tactics like shutting off heat in winter, neglecting much needed building repairs, turning off gas and water by a force called development. The notorious landlords bully and evict people who are supposedly protected by housing laws. Retail rents are often tripled or five times their current rates. When businesses like FAO and Starbucks close due to high rents, it’s obvious there’s imbalance in the galaxy. The gap between the rich and the poor keeps growing; social injustices keep happening but there are rebel alliances fighting back. Groups like #SaveNYC. They are working towards bringing balance back to the universe.

By Bill Blast